[Gunnwesley] Fic: Kungai Part Six 12/12 (Wesley/Gunn, NC17)

Mon Jul 19 16:10:10 EDT 2004

Title: Kungai Part Six 12/12

Author: Helen Raven

Email: helenraven at talk21.com

Pairing: Wesley/Gunn

Summary: The full history of the relationship between
Gunn and Wesley in the Birthdayverse. A novel in six
parts.

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit, not even a blip
on the litigation radar.

The Story's Home Page: http://www.kelper.co.uk/kungai

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How far north was he going to head, and for how long?
Maybe as far as Oregon. Depended how far he had to go
to find a place he could blend in, get enough work to
keep him comfortable, so he wasn't taking the type of
stupid chances that'd get him noticed. Somewhere not
too small, probably, but small enough that he might
get enough warning that the squad was closing in.

He'd have to get new plates for the truck. There was a
place he'd heard of near Glendale, and no reason he
could think for the squad to know he'd heard of it.
Should buy him enough time to get a feel for the type
of town where he might be able to stop, how difficult
it was going to be.

Should he act like he'd come to settle, or act like he
was drifting? Drifting. Simplest to tell the truth.
Had a rough year in L.A. and he'd taking some time to
clear his head, but L.A.'s his home, of course he's
gonna go back. Maybe after three months. Maybe six.
However long it would take for him to convince Wolfram
and Hart that he wasn't gonna make problems for them.
Who would he even tell, for God's sake? The worst he
could do would be nothing more than a scratch to
something the size of Wolfram and Hart. And he could
still manage to be grateful to them for all the ways
they'd helped Wesley, kept Wesley from the deepest
kind of trouble: paying him enough to support himself
and Angel, making him a place to live where he'd never
be evicted, and giving him those days in San Diego.
Didn't matter that it was all part of their plan for
Angel. They'd done more good than harm, and not just
for Wesley but for the people in the visions, who'd
been rescued because Wesley and Angel had been able to
stay in L.A. No, Gunn thought they were even, him and
Wolfram and Hart.

He'd start by calling Swift, who still seemed the best
person to ask. Ask just how far they were from being a
normal law firm, where they stood on revenge, if she
knew anyone who'd needed to reach an agreement with
them, who could tell Gunn where to start. He'd call
her on Monday, not try to guess now what she'd say.

Would he ask her why Wolfram and Hart would want a
vampire seer? Tell her about Angel? Too late now,
wasn't it? Probably safest for her if she didn't know.
And if he was trying to convince Wolfram and Hart that
this thing between them was contained, then he
couldn't have it getting back to them that he'd been
talking across half the town. So he'd keep it vague
with Swift and anyone else, what this thing was with
him and Wolfram and Hart, tell them outright they
didn't need to know.

Not tell anyone that Angel was dead. Was that what
he'd decided? Only a handful of people now who'd even
heard of him, and for most of them he didn't even have
a name, he was just "Wesley's sick friend". Swift
would ask, though, wouldn't she? Wesley had told her
he couldn't do what he suggested, he couldn't get out
of town for six months until people forgot about
Barney - because he had this sick friend who couldn't
be moved. So where was this sick friend now, when Gunn
was calling from Salinas?

Well, he got sicker, and he died.

Got sicker because Wesley was gone? If he'd died so
soon after Wesley...

Yes. Yes. Wesley was the reason he'd lasted so long.
Wesley hadn't known that, none of them had, but once
Wesley was gone then it was just a matter of time.
Nothing Gunn could do. Except... Except take care of
him through to the end, try to make it easy.

Gunn couldn't imagine that he'd ever tell anyone how
he'd killed Angel. To understand it, to hear it and
still think of Gunn the same way, you'd have to know
that Angel was a vampire, and what sort of vampire -
and who needed to know all that now?

Gunn found he was wanting to do something to remember
Angel by. Get his name written somewhere, if it wasn't
going to be spoken. If Angel had been awake, what
would Gunn have said when he'd gone in with the
crossbow? Or what would he have wanted to say, if he
could still say it and be able to do what he had to
do?

I'm sorry. Thank you for loving him. I should have
told you before... that you were all he was thinking
about at the end.

Yes, he'd get a stone put up somewhere, as soon as he
could afford it. He owed it to Angel, and the stone
would give him something simple to focus on in the
times (like now) when he was thinking ten different
things about Angel. About Angel and Wesley. Same idea
as when he'd bought the ring for Wesley. And that'd
helped, that'd helped, for the type of jealous he'd
been feeling back then. A way of keeping himself close
to Wesley, being with him all the time. And it still
helped, for the feelings he was left with now.

Was he glad, that Angel was dead? No. No. Not glad. He
was sad, he was sorry, he truly was. But relieved...?
Well... how could he not notice that he'd just got his
life back? And that morning he'd been dancing around
the apartment singing because he'd found someone who
wanted to take it off him: the burden of looking after
Angel. It was an impossible burden for one man alone.
It was, it was. And it frightened him to think the
state they'd've gotten to six months from now, him and
Angel, if they'd just been left to themselves.

But he hadn't killed Angel to get his life back. He
hadn't. And he never would have thought of that six
months down the line, or six years, no matter if it
got worse than the worst time with the crew. He hadn't
killed Angel for the times he'd been angry or been
jealous or been scared or had to listen to Angelus -
or for anything to do with himself. He'd killed Angel
because he'd finally run out of choices. Angel had
finally reached the end of his time. Stolen time, most
of it, and Angel had known that. Like Wesley had been
made to feel that his own time was an always-resented
loan, like he'd never had any right to it. So every
day when he knew in his heart he was useful, when he
knew he was loved... that had felt like a gift to him,
from the other end of time. They'd neither of them be
wanting to call it a tragedy, be wanting to yell that
they should have had more. They'd had more than they'd
expected - and there were tragedies in that to Gunn's
eyes, there were crimes, and they'd be part of Gunn's
thoughts for the rest of his life.

But for today... For his first day as the survivor. He
was wondering what they'd say, Wesley and Angel, about
the place he'd had in their lives, the changes he'd
brought when he joined them. Had he ever made things
so wrong that they'd wanted him different, they'd
thought about him gone? And the answer came straight
back: no. No, he'd been their Gunn, right from the
start, before he'd even known that Angel was a
vampire. They'd accepted him, they'd adjusted to him -
the things they'd understood, the things they didn't -
and they'd never wanted him different. They'd want him
to be here, now: heading out of town with everything
he needed, knowing he'd kept the mission, knowing he'd
kept the worst from happening, and planning all the
time to survive.

THE END

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