[Gunnwesley] Fic: Kungai Part Two 3/12 (Wesley/Gunn, NC17)

[helenraven]

Title: Kungai Part Two 3/12

Author: Helen Raven

Email: helenraven at talk21.com

Pairing: Wesley/Gunn

Summary: The full history of the relationship between
Gunn and Wesley in the Birthdayverse. A novel in six
parts.

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit, not even a blip
on the litigation radar.

The Story's Home Page: http://www.kelper.co.uk/kungai

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Jo's baby was going to grow up to be this great
prophet, but there were some people prepared to pay a
lot of money to see that never happened. Kamal had
been sent to protect Jo, and also to fight as her
Champion in some weird Tribunal that was set for
Friday night. If he won in the Tribunal, then Jo and
her baby would get protection at a whole different
level, so no one would be able to touch them. But the
Tribunal was still a day away, and the bounty-hunters
weren't giving up, nothing like it: there were two
attacks during the night, and a third early on Friday
afternoon.

After the second attack they discussed moving out of
the tunnels, but it would probably only buy them a few
hours before they were found again (judging by what Jo
and Kamal had already been through), and no one could
suggest a base that would be strong enough to justify
the dangers involved in moving. Kamal did not believe
that there would be a massed attack: he had seen no
sign that the groups of hunters were starting to
co-ordinate their efforts, and for the four of them
against a group of three or less, they had proved that
the tunnels were a good defensive position.

Angel, Gunn and Kamal stayed in the tunnels
throughout, until the time came on Friday night to get
Kamal and Jo to 4th and Spring for the Tribunal.
Wesley went out briefly on Friday morning to get food
and blood. They set Angel outside Kamal's cell as the
last line of defence, and Kamal, Gunn and Wesley took
it in turn to sit guard along the approaches. Angel's
focus wasn't sure enough for him to be left alone on
the perimeter, not for that length of time, but he
could be relied upon to fight single-mindedly if he
was attacked there at the cell.

Gunn's main memory of those long hours in the tunnels
was of missing Wesley. The boredom of standing guard,
he already knew, and the terror and elation of battle.
He knew that you always spent a fair part of the time
planning what you would do as soon as you got out,
looking forward to that bath, that first beer, the
biggest, hottest pepperoni pizza in the world. This
time, though, pushing out even the thought of the bath
and the beer, was the moment when he would be able to
leave his post and just walk down the corridor to
Wesley and sit next to him and look at him, and
finally find out what they would choose to talk about
first, how they would choose to touch. He knew that
they would have left the tunnels before then, that
there wouldn't be that clear "moment"; it would be
lost in whatever clean-up followed a Tribunal, in
driving Angel home. But that was the image for him of
missing Wesley: Wesley standing guard alone at the
other end of a long corridor.

They all agreed not to try to use Angel's car for the
journey to 4th and Spring; the chances were too great
that it had been found, and that they would be facing
the wrong side of an ambush. So they headed out in
another direction, and Gunn hot-wired the first
suitable truck they came across. Kamal thought the
Tribunal would have to take place somewhere underneath
4th and Spring, and they were waiting for a door to
open up when the time came, but instead Kamal and Jo
just disappeared from the truck. Gunn, Wesley and
Angel had no idea how long they should wait, if they
should even wait at all and Wesley was busy blaming
himself for not knowing everything about the Tribunal
when Kamal and Jo were right there, standing in the
road a few yards from the truck.

Gunn drove Jo to her apartment in Silverlake then took
the truck back to Boyle Heights and left it where
they'd found it, a few blocks away from Angel's car.
Kamal got out and made for the tunnels without a word,
which was exactly what Gunn had expected; Kamal had
seemed genuinely devoted  to Jo, but had treated the
three of them as nothing more than weapons. Jo had
managed to thank them at the appropriate times, but
had never managed to hide the fact that she was
accepting them only on Kamal's judgement; each one of
them freaked her out, and that she couldn't forgive
them for the attack on Kamal.

If Angel's car had been found, it hadn't been
disabled, and Gunn got them home shortly before two on
Saturday morning. They were all exhausted, and showing
it. Angel went straight to the bathroom, and Gunn
heard the sound of the shower through the open door.

"There's a message." Wesley was standing by the desk,
looking down at the 'phone. "Do we play it, or just
accept that fact that whoever it is isn't going to get
any help until tomorrow?"

Gunn couldn't imagine Wesley ever accepting any such
fact. "Up to you, English."

Wesley played the message, which was for Gunn, from
Anne. "Um... I hope this is the right number to reach
Charles Gunn. If not, I'm sorry for bothering you.
Charles, Dean and George were here for the class today
and they told me what's happened. Well, something of
what's happened, I'm guessing. They said they didn't
know where you were, but I took another guess at that,
and... um... Anyway, you know I hate to lose touch
with friends so you'll give me a call, won't you?"

"It must be from Thursday, unless they changed the
class to today." Gunn was wondering what they'd said
to her, what they'd said that she'd worked out he must
be with Wesley. "I'll get back to her tomorrow."

"It was nice of her to call." Wesley sounded
uncertain, which couldn't be about Anne herself, must
be about the whole issue of Gunn and the crew. They'd
not talked about the crew since the day Gunn had moved
in.

"Yeah." Gunn was going to say more, something to show
Wesley that he wasn't bothered by this reminder, that
they could talk or not talk, whatever they wanted, but
at that point Angel walked, naked, out of the
bathroom. He crossed the living-room without looking
at them, like they weren't there, and shut himself in
his bedroom. Gunn swallowed, thought Wesley had, too.
Still staring at the closed door, Gunn said, "OK, he's
beautiful." A grudging sigh. "Even all slouching like
that, he's beautiful."

Wesley nodded. "I keep wondering what he'd be like if
he could see himself in the mirror. The way people
look at him, though, that's probably as good as a
mirror." Then he laughed, and the tension was gone
from the room. "I had been about to suggest we went
straight to bed, but now that doesn't seem quite the
right thing to say."

"No. No, y'can't say that just now. I'd take it all
wrong." Then Gunn grabbed Wesley, kissed him hard, and
held him so they could both feel exactly what the
sight of Angel had done to each of them. With his lips
against Wesley's cheek, grazed by stubble: "Guess
we'll have to play tic-tac-toe out here till we're
sure we've both forgotten about him. Need at least an
hour, I reckon, before we'd be safe to think 'bout
goin' to bed." This was what Wesley wanted, wasn't it?
To treat it like a joke?

Like a joke or an outright turn-on, which was fine
with Gunn. Wesley pulled him into a harder, deeper
kiss, and at first Gunn did wonder how much Wesley was
thinking about Angel, but that didn't matter as long
as it got him Wesley like this. When they were both
gasping, Wesley said, "Would that be strip
tic-tac-toe?"

Took Gunn a few seconds to remember where the
tic-tac-toe came from. "Could be. Could be. Y'know,
why don't we say we been playin' for an hour. And you
lost every game." He started unbuttoning Wesley's
shirt, and backing him towards the bedroom.

"Every game for an hour? That's a lot of naked I owe
you."

"Don't I know it?"

Gunn undressed himself in record time, but when he
joined Wesley in bed the first words he heard were:
"Charles? How badly would you take it if I fell asleep
in the next minute?"

"You're kiddin' me."

But Wesley wasn't joking. He was clearly having to
force himself to keep his eyes open. "It was lying
down. My brain feels as if it's leaking out of my
head. 's 'n jet lag. I'm... I'm... But I can't..." His
eyes sank closed and his breathing suddenly became
much slower. Indistinctly: "You should..." Suddenly he
came awake, startled, stared blinking at Gunn for
several seconds, then gave a slow smile and raised his
hand a few inches off the bed. "But don't fuck me.
That's..." He was asleep again.

Gunn waited for nearly a minute, though he didn't know
what for, since anyone could see that he and his cock
were on their own. Well, for a clue about what the
hell Wesley had been saying. Fucking him was what?
Something he'd changed his mind about? But Wesley had
been smiling at him.

So take the smile, let the rest go. Wesley had been as
good as dreaming, he could have been thinking
anything. Just let it go.

Gunn leaned over Wesley to take his glasses off, but
then was held looking down at him, feeling the lines
of the sleeping face warm and rough under his hand.
Yes, Wesley could have been thinking anything. Gunn
would never be able to guess the half of it. Wesley
wasn't beautiful. Gunn didn't know that he was even
handsome - he was so thin, so reserved, looking at him
you had to see that first, either judge him or worry
for him. But once you'd started to know him, you
realised that just looking at his face was better than
the deepest conversation you'd ever had with anyone
else. Every proof of strength and doubt and passion
and coldness that Gunn had found in Wesley so far,
they were always there clear to read in his face. And
the power of his mind, his strange, foreign thoughts -
his face warned you how far you had come out of your
depth.

"Turns out I like that, English. Bein' out of my depth
with you." Gunn brought his face down to Wesley's as
he whispered, not touching, but close enough to feel
Wesley's breath. Would have thought he'd hate it.
Always been top dog. But Wesley wasn't any kind of
pack animal, was he? He'd read about people like Gunn,
he knew the theory. But that wasn't where he lived. So
how could a top dog resent what Wesley did to him?
Gunn sighed and smiled. "Even when you grow a day and
a half of stubble and then fall asleep on me."

He kissed the corner of Wesley's mouth, meaning just a
simple goodnight, but seemed like nothing could be
really simple when it was him close to Wesley: the
roughness of the stubble caught him almost like a
shock, so much rougher against his lips than it had
felt against his hand. His lips felt the softness of
Wesley's lips, too, right next to the stubble, and
they were warm and moist and yielding. Gunn's cock
loved the roughness, it loved the softness, it wanted
to fuck both feelings and it wanted to do it now.

Gunn groaned and pushed himself away from Wesley. He
lay on his back with his eyes closed tight and his
hands clenched down by his side, really wanting to
jerk off but pretty-sure he shouldn't. "Not under my
roof," Wesley had said. Wesley wouldn't want him to
jerk off. But it was Gunn's roof now, and Wesley had
got him hot and then fallen asleep on him.

Didn't help, either, to be thinking about Wesley not
wanting him to jerk off, because that just made him
remember exactly how Wesley had been the last time.
How his face had gone so hard and cold, how he'd said,
"Will you use my mouth or do you need to fuck me?"

Gunn groaned again, and now he had to keep his hips
from rocking, as well as keep his hands by his side.
He tried to think about something else, but he
couldn't find any kind of calming thoughts in reach.
There was the sight of Angel naked. There was him and
Wesley happily horny from seeing Angel. And there were
the hours in the tunnels, the ache of missing Wesley,
having the image so clear: of the long corridor, and
Wesley standing alone at the end of it.

No thought that didn't lead to Wesley. That didn't
lead to sex. Gunn knew he should be able to control
himself, he should, but at this moment he just didn't
want to. He shook his head two, three times, gave a
long, unsteady sigh, then unclenched his hand and
wrapped it around his cock. He thought about what
Wesley might say if he woke up now, what he might do -
and he let himself get so excited he cried out at the
end, and made the bed slam against the wall.

* * * * *

"Wes. I know it bothers you, the idea of me jerking
off. Is there... Is there any way it'd be OK?" The
first thing Gunn said to Wesley when they were next
both awake, early on Saturday afternoon. He'd been
lying awake for half an hour or more, knowing he had
to tell Wesley what he'd done. Might seem like a
stupid secret, something most men wouldn't think twice
about, but Gunn didn't want to keep this one, not from
Wesley.

Wesley looked surprised. "It doesn't bother me in the
slightest. In fact, I like the idea. As long as
it's... not taking you away from me. Depriving me of a
fuck I'd rather like for myself."

Gunn frowned hard, then said, "What about that first
morning we woke up together? The first time I saw you
with stubble. You really acted then like it bothered
you."

"I was -" Wesley sighed. "I was concerned to make the
point at the time that I'm tougher than you might
think. I didn't want you to... get into the habit of
holding back. Just because of the way I look. I want
to have all of you." A sudden smile. "Once I'm sure
I've got the point made, then I'll never act like that
unless you want me to."

"You think I'm holding back?" Gunn was frowning again,
couldn't return Wesley's smile.

"No, no, not that I've seen." Wesley reached out, laid
his hand on Gunn's shoulder. "But I don't think we've
done much since to put it to the test." A shrug. "And
maybe we won't. It doesn't matter like that, I just
want to be sure I get all of you. Whatever we end up
doing."

Gunn relaxed, knowing there wasn't any problem after
all with what he'd done the night before. He might
still tell Wesley how he'd jerked off - or he might
not - but it didn't feel any more like a secret he had
to get rid of as soon as he could. And he'd just now
found some other things he needed to say more.

He rolled to lie against Wesley, pushing his knee
between Wesley's knees, and putting his arm around
Wesley's waist. "English. Yeah, yeah, it's somethin'
I've hadta think about with you: needin' to hold
myself back. Get in control. But it's not 'cos of how
I see you, not in the way you were saying. You gotta
know you're the toughest man I ever saw. It's 'cos
of..." He paused, then gave a long, slow sigh. "I
think it's 'cos of some things I thought I knew about
myself. And turns out I don't. Not with you."

Wesley had gone slightly tense. "Things like... that
you'd never look twice at a white man?"

Gunn shook his head, pulled Wesley closer, then
stroked his back. "Don't think that's any part of it.
It's more... I thought I knew how I was with sex. How
far I'd let it take me. How fast. Since... since
before Luke, even, I'd figured out how to keep in
control. Had to with Luke, so he wouldn't know I
wanted - Yeah, I wanted all of him. And with girls...
Y'learn the first thing about girls, y'know it's the
right thing to do. Else you're just some selfish kid.
Got no clue 'bout anything 'cept jerkin' off. So I
thought I'd got that all figured out. Gotta be pretty
damn good, even. 'n' then I meet you."

"And I make you lose control?" Wesley was smiling -
looking pleased, but like there was something here he
just didn't believe.

"Oh, man. You say just one word or you get this look
and -" He swallowed again and closed his eyes for a
second. " 's like I'm back when I was that selfish
kid. Worse. Like I want every real thing in the world
to just go away till I can get my cock what it wants."

"Charles." Wesley leaned in and pressed his lips
briefly to Gunn's cheek. "You are anything but
selfish. You are the lover I would have dreamed of for
myself. If I hadn't ruined myself with too many of
those stupid crushes. I think... you must have set a
standard for yourself that no one could be expected to
keep. I've never seen any sign of -" A shrug. "Of what
you seem to be worrying about."

"You have. 'n' I reckon you will again. That morning
with the stubble. 'n' if you'd seen me last night,
jerkin' off after you fell asleep on me. When it gets
me like that... feels like somethin's taken me over.
Somethin' outside me. Gets me so hard in seconds, I -"
He took a deep breath. "Some ways it's exciting.
Course it is. Other ways... still doesn't feel like
me. Dunno if I'm worryin'. Not now, anyway. Now I'm
clear how you feel 'bout jerkin' off. 'bout me holdin'
back. Mostly I'm just... tryin' to figure what it is
'bout you that gets to me. How come I never had it
happen before."

"Luke didn't get stubble?"

Gunn shrugged. "He wouldn't get it to look at. 'n'
it's the look of it on you. The feel, too, but that's
second to knowing how it looks."

Wesley was looking thoughtful. "So maybe it is because
I'm your first white man. And the bristles show on me.
You've always had this kink, but you've never been in
a position to realise it before."

Gunn shook his head hard, very definite. "It's you,
Wes. It's how it looks on you. Best guess I've got so
far is... it's about way it makes you look so distant.
Because y'know that's a big part of you, even without
the stubble. Jeez, Wes, you're all about holdin' back.
Not in a bad way, not like you're playin' games. You
don't play any games with me, you always act close.
But half the day at least you look so distant, and I
guess then some part of me's always half-thinking,
'You could've stayed like that for me. I might've
never dared to touch you.' But that's just one part of
me, for some part of the day, and for the rest I'm
all: 'Course I dared. Course he said yes. He was
lookin' all cool 'n' English but he'd been thinkin'
'bout how we'd fuck.' So -" A deep sigh. "Y'get to me.
Every day. Guess y'keep me hangin' so close to the
time you said yes. 'n' we know that was perfect so
forget I ever said any of this and don't try to act
any different. Look any different. 's just...
somethin' in the way I gotta have you."

Wesley was blinking over and over, looking amazed. He
made a small sound then closed his eyes for the space
of three deep breaths, and when he opened them again
he still looked amazed. In a whisper: "I don't deserve
any of this."

Gunn didn't whisper, but he dropped his voice low.
"Should be me, Wes, sayin' that about you." Gunn
pulled Wesley close, and they kissed for a long time.


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